Apartheid

Been a long time getting back to the blog and must do better otherwise will loose my readership, Simon ? All been incredibly busy with the arrival of Sir John Bushby and the Canadian Gavin who both enjoyed a 10 day mountain biking trip. Highlights including Gavin managing to master the Malayalam word for blood "rectum"; of which his legs and arms seemed to provide an endless supply; much to the concern of the locals; and Sir John Bushby breaking down linguistical and national boundaries when coming to terms with an unrelenting verbal assault from a 70 year old, Shakespeare quoting, psychotic, ex Indian railway-ticket inspector with a "very pleased to meet you sir".
Moved to the beach for Christmas and the sands of Varkalla to join the rest of the fisherman pant wearing, banana pancake munching yoga obsessed Christmas crowd. Christmas day on the beach witnessed apartheid back in fashion with a big rope splitting the beach in half guarded by a few policemen stopping the Indian crowds from mixing with the Europeans. Enraged at this I carry the beach towel to the native side of the rope hoping to encourage the pulling down of these racist barriers that divide nations and minds. My high mindedness creates a stir as I am surrounded by the Indian crowds puzzled by my revolutionary actions, they happily point to the other side of the rope as a bit of sand more suited to the tourist. I stay my ground before heading for a swim ripping my shorts in the surf.

Bottom Brackets And The Forces of Evil.

I have moved back to the spiritual home of mountain biking in Kerala the XXX Hotel in K#$@!! a 130km and 4 hour drive away from Munnar unless the drive shaft falls off half way and needs 9 men to fasten it back together again.
Here things seem to be in the balance as well as my hotel appears to changed ownership in recent days. My friend and hotelier Mr %$#!* has been usurped by his business partner the evil Mr S%#@$ who apparently has a string of convictions going back years and across seas including a spell in Saudi Arabia's worst prison for making illicit alchohol.
Staff at the XXX Hotel are also suffering, with a a watchfull eye kept over all the workers. Things look intolerable with things coming to head at morning coffee time. The usual charade of black coffee arriving in the form of milk tea, sugar added indiscriminately where non was asked for, orders being forgotten or arriving unprompted has been replaced by a chilling efficiency. However, thankfully, this morning a pot of indeterminable tea/coffee arrived suggesting, perhaps, all is not lost.
Anyhow according to my sources Mr %$#!# the XXX Hotel has fallen into the forces of darkness and I am being requested to look for alternative lodgings. On a positive note prices have dropped and I might have to live with the evil and efficiency for a while.
On a biking note three bottom brackets have been discovered to be worn out at all the same time. Is there something to be read into this ??? Or am I neglecting my cycle maintenance ???

** Names and places have been altered to protect myself.

Bed Tea For The Russians

The half demolished hotel has been busy recently. It started 2 nights ago when I was informed that a group of English tourists where coming to stay for two nights and as they were paying more than me I was to be shifted into the decaying dormitory from my purported "deluxe luxury room". The group arrived at almost midnight and I was awoken to greet the English mob from the bus on their arrival. I objected but the pleading worked and I pottered out into the cold evening air to witness a group of bikini topped and mini skirted blond lasses accompanied by hard looking goatee bearded man. The Russians had arrived. They requested food I told them there was non. They asked for Coffee the manager informed them "only bed tea available".
Two days of bed tea for the Russians then another group arrived. I was informed that all rooms were full and I could sleep in the office. The group arrived; 65 medical students from Nagpur along with an entourage of tour guides teachers and cooks all to be squeezed into half a hotel with only 9 double rooms and a dorm for 6 The teachers objected to the arrangements which meant they would share a room with the cooks; who in turn objected to then being foced to share with the tour guides. As such my room was seized by the militant teachers and I was to be shifted again this time to the staff quarters with the unlucky mans bed being the cleaner who had to kip in the corridor.

Mission Munnar

There is a perennial cloud hanging over Munnar at present even though the skies are azure blue there is a mood of uncertainty in the air as Mission Munnar threatens to restart in earnest.
Mission Munnar is the ruling communist parties attempt to clean up Munnar and stop the illegal building that has sprung up on the nearby tea and cardamom estates which are by law only to be used for that sole purpose. Attempts to bulldoze down the encroachments started over the summer and in a sinister twist buildings owned or linked to the previous Congress ruling party were targeted first as was my long term hotel stay which had the misfortune to be built a little to close to the National Highway and was on the way back from the bulldozers real target, so a bit of overtime saw that half of it was demolished and in Indian style the remaining bit still runs as a hotel.
Locals protested, court orders where invoked and mysteriously Inspector Singh (ex flying squad) popped back up to the Punjab claiming his mother was suffering from an ailment, now he is back in town with his map full of big back crosses and the bulldozers are expected to roll back into town soon.
On a more positive note had a super 4 hour ride this morning and dicovered yet another cracking downhill through a tea estate that I had previously been barred from, no sign of the watchman these days and the new ruse of saying " I am looking for elephants" usually apeases even the most jobsworth Indian Security men who will usually give you tips on where in the previously out of bound tea estate you should look for them.

Thirst past the post.

Late with this as I have been rushed off me flip flopped feet this last 6 weeks with the success of me mountain bike tours of Kerala.
Anyhow in internet cafe dying of thirst so will be brief and do not want to miss me mandatory pre sun set ale in the infamous and widely maligned Ice Bar here in the Keralan tea capital Munnar.
Too much to tell and probably not worth telling but for those who followed progress last here have run two groups of mountain bikers through the tea covered iddyllic Iddukki district and all have enjoyed it. Fears of unrideable descents on trails of pure green slime proved unfounded as the 6 months of almost continous rain subsided a few days after I returned.
Highlights. All from Singapore and Uncle Jim Metcalfe the worlds best town plannner and freely available at reaonable rates for all your town planning requirements.
Low life. Bars been closed on the 1st of every month to stop the government workers from spending all their cash on brandy in one night.

Think that covers 6 weeks quite nicely.

Last Post

All. I have returned from my mountain bike travels and travails and I am back in Rochdale for my 3 month summer holidays. A few posts have not made it on yet but will update them as I get time. Will be back up and running and improved in early October when I return to India to start up in readiness for my first mountain bike Kerala group of the year of the 2007/2008 season. To my readership of 1 Simon Lill, I thank you very much and will be on the phone to speak to you soon.

Bleached

Head out to the only cycle shop in India that knows what it is doing and miraculously manage to pick up a disc rotor, looks thick, weighs the same as the bike but it works and that along with a chunky thick tyre sets me back about 12 pound so thrilled to pieces.
Wander around Delhi in search of relics of the raj and the signs of the mutiny of 1857 that crippled Delhi and witnessed the deaths of 10's of thousands of Indians as the British wrecked vengeance on the citizens of Delhi for harbouring the mutineers. Probably too ambitious in my search as temperatures in the 40C and much has changed since 1857 but did find a church (locked), a crumbling Kashmiri gate and walked up to the Delhi ridge were the British layed siege to the city and found the British Memorial to the dead, now an exercise park, were I battle for space with the new breed of aggressively assertive Delhite's.
Pick up a shave and head shave near the old city for an original fee of 30 Rs (50 pence). All goes well til he accuses me of having unclean scalp which he decides unilaterally to clean up with the aid of some pasty stuff and a electronic vibrating disc, other modifications to my face and head are deemed necessary, and given the original cheap price it seemed best to let him loose with his assorted creams, pastes and tubes of face bleacher. Almost drew the line as he plucked away half my eyebrows with a devilishly painful plucking technique using cotton, his teeth and violent arm swinging. Bald, bleached; to the colour of an exhumed corpse; and eyebrowless I am then exposed to a bit of barbarous barber extortion as he demands 550 Rs for his administrations. I protest and throw 200 rupees in his face before pegging it into the thick swirl of people that is any street in Dehli.