Liquor Rations

Kuttikanam is a strange place these days from years of familiarity as a quite retreat and village idyll it has turned into a cosmopolitan drop in place for the rich and famous. First up this week the sighting in Devas restaurant of a number of 7 feet tall Nigerians stood dangerously close to the fan asking the diminutive Devas for parothas and egg curry. Investigations revealed that they were students representing a college side from Madras in a basketball competition held at Kuttikanam's Marina College. A cash prize was up for grabs and looking at the rest of the teams competing, all comprised of average sized and average ability local Keralan basketball players it looked like the Nigerian students/mercenaries had this one in the hoop as they say.
In February Kuttikanam hosts the kuttikanam open tennis tournament with a field of over 50 expected to battle it out on the dirt court at Misery Mountains Luxury Plantation Resort. All sounds good but they have booked all the rooms up for that weekend leaving me and my next group looking for somewhere else to stay; this led me to my third discovery. All the other hotels in Kuttikanam are booked up for a month as Malaylee (Keralan) film stars and crew descend on the area to make a couple of films. Disaster.
On a less parochial note there is outrage in the Indian Armed Forces this week as liquor rations have been reduced in a cost cutting measure. Higher ranked army personnel have seen their monthly free quota of bottles of liquor (750ml) reduced from 14 to 12, how will they cope? Jawans or squaddies have suffered even more, now having to survive on a miserly 6 bottles of Rum/ Whiskey etc per month. Good news for Colonels, Admirals and the like though as they can continue to avail unlimited supplies of grog from the military supply store so hopefully military capability won,t be disturbed too much.

Wheel Barrow

Time is running away with us, the pound is worth less than an egg curry and appam, Rakesh has gone back to Khatmandu for a month for RandR and I am here back in Kuttikanam riding myself into the ground as the trainees excel at a phenomenal rate.
A year of my time is worth a day in the lives of mountain bike trainees of Sinoj and Chippy. One day they can hardly get their front wheels off the ground the next they are launching off things and doing front wheel wheelies on the lawns of Misery Mountains Plantation Luxury Resort. Very happy.
Pound is in free fall over here, a wheel barrow of the stuff won’t pay for the bus fare to Ellaparra so its fiscal cut backs and the first thing to go is a room with a T.V, beers are being brought in from outside, nights in the Ice Bar in Munnar look like they will be a thing of the past and I am left to squeeze the bottom of a cut price Indian-made bleaching toothpaste in my bathroom without a shower and ponder upon what the future holds.
360rs up in cards against 70-pint a week Sheffield Mike so thats millions of pounds now.

Jillmon

Morning all. I am in the middle of a tour at present and all is going excellent. I have managed to extricate myself from a morning wildlife park boat trip which I have done about ten times and handed over the thankless task too a slightly grumpy looking Rakesh who had to awake at 5.30 a.m this morning to fulfill his duty. Jillmon the driver cum logistics manager has gone as well and woke us all up at 4.15 a.m as his mobile his faulty. Jillmon, who has a look a paunchy Oliver Reed is reveling in his role as logistics manager and has upgraded himself from the rooms designated to drivers to stay in the same room as me and Rakesh. So its three in tiny room most nights, Jillmon snores at an admirable 9.5 on the snoromical scale while Rakesh refuses to sleep without the fan whirling around full blast, both usually head off to beds before. So I am having to become accustomed to stepping into the nightly pitch black, snoring whirlind that has become my sleep. Managed to turn the fan off one night but this had the effect of Jillmons snoring waking up an angry Rakesh who entombed in sleeping bags and blankets fumed that I was trying to kill him by making him too hot.

Too Busy

Hello all.

Life travelling with ones parents is a busy one so really late getting this one posted up.

Back in Munnar now making final preparations for the next tour starting Jan 4th which should be cracking. Mother and father seem to be loving it, short slow walk followed by tea slurping, followed by another short walk, tea slurping afternoon kip and then time for evening ales and slap up curry binge and that’s just me, mother and father skip the walking bit.
The exhausting bit was the real travelling when we where also accompanied by the redoubtable Mrs Jones. Managed to cram in a lot of temple complexes, ancient civilisation sites and bus ride upon bus ride and train journey upon train journey with time left to squeeze in a few days of the India England test match in Chennai. Limited accommodation options forced my mother and father into a room with a squat toilet which saw us depart earlier than expected and forced us to miss the last days incredible scenes.
Rakesh the Nepali guide is also here busying himself by winding me up about any English sporting catastrophe or indeed anything at all that he can find that will infuriate me , he seems to be at his happiest in this role. Will be lucky to get a Christmas present at this rate even if he got one he would claim I paid too much for it and he could get the same item at 2% of the price in Nepal where items are of course of far better quality. Food is less of an issue now and 2 weeks spent on his own in Kerala has revolutionized his eating habits, dosa’s iddlys and iddiapams are squelched between his fingers with relish now. The problem before he now claims was that I took him to all the worse restaurants in town.
Christmas should be good I have a few big rides planned tomorrow and Christmas eve then its ho ho ho and a bottle of arrack at Johns Cottage with some good old fashioned Turkeyless fun.
The picture shows me entertaining the folks in kuttikanam in my favourite Santa Claus outfit. Look good don,t I ???
Hope yours is good.

Flowery T%$#@

Kuttikanam, Kerala, South India..

Its raining monsoon like rains on the red tiled rooftops. Unexpected and unwelcome but there is loads to do if I can not ride tomorrow. For starters it looks like I am breaking from my long time love affair with the Woodpalace hotel and moving on to the newer glitzier upstart hotel next door. An agitation started last year by the deposed owner to move me on and out appears to have finally payed dividends and so its goodbye to ordering black coffees and receiving milk tea instead no “not possible” “ “keralan marital arts displays”” (martial arts) and sadly no more nocturnal walking catfish. I hope “Misty Mountain Luxury Plantation Resorts” has got something to offer except nice rooms and good coffee.

Last word on televisions. The T.V in my room has not worked properly since I came back, every 5 minutes exactly, it switches itself off on to stand by, no real disaster just means you have to keep the remote handy to to keep the T.V on. Tonight big match Bolton V Liverpool so request for new T.V to prevent any missing action. New improved T.V arrives seems o.k except that the volume is fixed at massive decibels and can not be altered seems preferable to the other faulty one. 6 minutes into the match and it switches itself off onto standby. I persevere with the T.V till the 12th minute when it happens again, become annoyed. 18 minutes same again. Furious…..Roll on Musty Mountains

Anyhow not said much about the last month which was spent in and around Darjeeling. All photos in the blog for the next few weeks will bare no relevance to the text but will attempt make up for a bit of lost ground in pictoral form.

Rakesh (the Nepalli guide) has come back new and improved and has performed sterling work all the last month, will he overcome his personal demons and manage to go a week without complaining about South Indian food? Will my Marzocchi Junior T’s get through Bombay customs in Mrs Jones’s rucksack. Will Misery Fountains be a crock of shite? {Apologies to Fawlty Towers].

A prize offered to anyone but Seb who can remember the most ridiculous and possibly rude Fawlty Towers semi anagram that they showed on the outside of the building at the start of each episode.

Appalling Oversight

In another appalling oversight I have failed to bring my text along with to the internet cafe and have nothing to offer but photographs.

The photos should give you a rough idea on what life was like on the Darjeeling tour. If you can recognise the ludicrous looking animal then you can avail a free pint off me when I return to England No answer sharing allowed. If you can identify the shambolic gurning figure who appears to have fallen off his bike then you can buy me a pint. The other pic shows probably the first ever Orange bike on the back of a horse/pony/ass ever and in the pic the bike is about to unloaded and delivered back to its owner.

Anyhow will be back soon with the real text soon.

Not Much

A technical glitch. I have arrived at tinterweb with me photos but failed to attach all me text to the memory stick so I am in effect wordless but as I am here I might as well attach all my photo's and come back with the real entry tommorrow.